Traveler's Log - November 16, 2010 - Booze and Computers
I live about half way between two major airports. I usually fly out of one more frequently than the other because the flights and fairs are generally better. Recently, I took a business trip that required me to leave home around 11am on a Sunday. I was just about to the airport when I thought to myself, "I should double check my itinerary".
Normally, this is something someone would do the night before, or even perhaps just before walking out the door. I, however, chose to look just prior to arriving at the airport. Upon doing so, I realized I had driven to the wrong airport and now had 1 hour and 15 minutes to turn around, step on the gas and get to the other airport. It would be close, but if all went perfectly, I could just make it. Long story short, I got to the gate with about a minute to spare. The gate agent was just about to board me when his computer system crashed. He looked at me and explained that he was sorry, but he would have to put me on a later flight.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I would have made it with a few minutes to spare, BEFORE the system crashed, if not for one thing. I was stopped at security so that they could search my computer bag where they found a little bottle of vodka I had absent-mindedly put in there on my last flight when the flight attendant graciously gave me two bottles instead of one.
Booze and computers. They getcha every time.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Just Stop Whining
Solution Oriented Thinking
If there is one thing I cannot stand to hear, including from my own lips, it is whining.
“Why can’t I have that?” “What are those brainiacks thinking?” “If only they would get their stuff together.” On and on. It is all around us. At work. At home. On the TV. On the radio. Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine (and not a hunk of cheese in site). Heck! I am whining right now! Well, let’s stop all of this whining and get down to it. No more whining. The following is some advice to move from whining and complaining mode to solution mode.
Stop Whining, Start Doing
“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.”
Anthony J. D'Angelo quotes (Founder of The Collegiate EmPowerment Company and creator of The Inspiration Book Series)
The first thing one needs to do is just stop whining. But, certainly, not all complaints are unwarranted and do need to be brought to someone’s attention. But, if all you do is complain while offering no solutions, all you are really doing is whining.
Instead, bring a solution to the table. Figure it out for yourself and do it. Alternatively, if it is out of your control or jurisdiction, bring the complaint to the appropriate person and offer up a solution. At home, you have more leeway, but at work, never bring a complaint to your boss without offering your thoughts on a solution. It doesn’t even have to be a good suggestion, but if your boss is worth his or her salt, he or she will respect you for at least thinking about it. Your status moves from “complainer” to “solutions oriented,” and your stock goes up.
If you are on the receiving end, listening to a complaint, don’t allow the complainant to get away without suggesting a remedy.
Before you dazzle the compainant with your own brilliance, simply ask them, “How would YOU resolve this?” or “What would YOU have me do?”
Be sincere, but don’t promise to do whatever they suggest, and don’t immediately shoot down their ideas. The exercise is not necessarily about determining an immediate solution. It is about helping people move from a complaining mind set to a solutions oriented mind set.
Don’t Wait for The Perfect Time
“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”
Proverb
It is very easy to fall in to the trap of wishing something had been done in the past that would have made the present situation more tolerable or even would have avoided a situation altogether. But, until the time machine is invented, it is an exercise in futility. The past is the past. Learn from it. Don’t point fingers. Don’t judge. Be grateful you have made it this far in spite of the past.
And then plant the seeds for the future. You may not ultimately benefit from the seeds you sew today. But someone will.
Don’t put them in a position of saying, “If only someone would have….”
Understand Before You Criticize
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
Dale Carnegie quotes (American lecturer, author, 1888-1955)
Sociopaths do things without regard for others. Thankfully, most human beings are not sociopaths. That means that most people are not out there purposely doing things to mess up your day. Most people are not out there doing things without care or regard for others (please do not comment on my driving skills at this time). Most people really want to or are trying to do the right thing.
But most of us have constraints, sometimes real, sometimes imagined. We do what we can within the confines that we believe have been defined for us. If the barriers were not there, we might do things differently. Sometimes, we are unaware of things that might alter our decision making if we just were better informed. Sometimes, we simply mess up. We don’t WANT to do the wrong and ignorant things.
It is important to remember this before complaining about something or someone. After all, it is possible that it is YOU who is mistaken.
Understand the Needs of Others
“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”
Gloria Naylor (African-American novelist and educator, 1950)
When you see a friend or loved one making decisions and taking actions that you either think are a bad idea, or you don’t approve, sometimes, they need and even want your advice. But sometimes they don’t. It is very important to know the difference. If you are not sure, simply ask them if they would like your opinion.
If they say “No, I really don’t,” take that as your first clue to NOT offer it up regardless.
Just tell them, “If you change your mind, I am here. If you don’t, I am still here.”
You will then be in a no lose situation. The other person takes comfort knowing that you care about them no matter what. If it turns out you were wrong and the other person was right, you are happy for them. If it turns out you were right and the other person was wrong, you are there to help them pick up the pieces.
Be Aware of Yourself
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”
Unknown
“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
W. Clement Stone (American best selling Author and Founder of Combined Insurance Co (now a part of Aon Corp.), 1902-2002)
You cannot change the behavior of others, you can only change your own. But you can influence the behavior of others. Whether that influence is positive or negative is up to you. It is very easy to influence someone. It can be very difficult to influence them positively.
Change your Perspective
“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses”
Ziggy (Single panel comic strip created by Tom Wilson)
“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”
Albert Einstein (German born American Physicist. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)
In religion and philosopy, we often make reference to the necessity to see things through the eyes of a child. That does not mean to act like a child or in childish ways. In means we should not take things for granted and appreciate them for how amazing they are.
It is so easy to get caught up in the negative things. If it rains, we think about the bad hair day we are about to have, or about the mud that is going to splash our just washed cars. A child thinks about making mud pies or back yard slip and slides. It is all a matter of perspective.
Don’t Expect Things To Happen – Make Them Happen!
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
William Arthur Ward (American dedicated scholar, author, editor, pastor and teacher)
In the movie Tommy Boy, Tommy, portrayed by the late Chris Farley, gets caught on the lake in his sail boat when the wind dies down to nothing. He just sits there, embarassed, waiting for something to happen. His father used to make fun of him. The kids on the shore make fun of him. He ends up late for dinner with his girlfriend because he is just stuck there.
Tommy is a nice, well meaning guy, but he isn not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. After getting stuck out there for the umpteenth time, you would think he would learn to perhaps at least bring a paddle. But instead, each time, he just expects things to happen. He expects the wind will eventually kick up and he will be on his way. And he is right. It will eventually come. But in the meantime, he is subject to ridicule, misses opportunities, and runs the risk of disappointing or even hurting others.
You cannot expect something to happen and sit back watching, waiting for it. You have to make it happen. If you aren’t out there trying to make it happen, you have no right to complain that it isn’t happening. If you are stuck on the lake with no wind and no paddle, you got exactly what you asked for.
Work With What You Have, Not What You Wish You Had
"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
Tom Robbins (American Novelist. b.1936)
The 1980’s television series MacGyver has lived on for more nearly three decades not because it included particularly good writing nor particularly good acting, but because of the premise. Here was a guy who, no matter what his situation, made do with what he had in order to find his way out of danger. With little more than his Swiss Army Knife, duct tape and whatever else he found lying around, week after week he worked his way out of danger.
The now famous Chilean Miners trapped a half a mile underground for 69 days before they could be rescued are a perfect example of working with what you have. It was several days before anyone could even contact them, let alone send them basics for survival, but they still found a way to make do. Things were no doubt better once supplies started reaching them, but still. They were trapped far beneath the Earth’s surface, with no immediate way out and no guarantee they would EVER get out.
They didn’t have most of the things we take for granted every day. But they had the supplies that were able to reach them, and they had each other. They didn’t waste time worrying about the things they wished they had. They made the best of what they had and what they could get. They became a community in and of themselves. They assigned roles and responsibilities and each one dutifully fulfilled his role.
Not only did they come out alive, they came out exceedingly healthy given the circumstances. Both physically and mentally
If they can do what they did with what they had, I am willing to bet we can get by a day or two with that darned copier being down. I bet our hind ends won’t fall off if we don’t replace that old couch with our next pay check. And maybe, if we MacGyver it a little, we might find a nice comforter and some throw pillows that will make that old, ugly couch look and feel like a comfortable, old friend.
Open Yourself Up
"Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
Tina Turner (American Singer. b.1939, Nutbush, Tennessee, USA)
I like this quote better than the old saying “Can’t see the forest for the trees,” but in a way, it is saying the same thing. We sometimes let ourselves and our thoughts become so cluttered with negativity that we can completely miss what’s valuable and good.
One of the most famous supporting stories in business of this is the tale of the invention of the post-it note. In 1968, a chemist named Spencer Silver was trying to develop a new adhesive when he “failed” with one particular sample. Convinced it had applicability, even as a failed adhesive, he tried for years to convince others, all to no avail. Other scientists simply saw it as an adhesive that didn’t stick well.
Finally, Silver met Art Fry, who worked in new product development at 3M. Fry was intrigued by Silver’s “failure” and, after failed products of his own utilizing the failed adhesive, he discovered what we now call the Post-It. If either Silver or Fry would have permitted all of those negative reviews and failures get in the way, we may not have today what is one of the most basic of office supplies.
Take the Lead, Take Risks
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips, Comedian
“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Andre Gide (French writer, humanist and moralist, 1947 nobel prize for literature, 1869-1951)
“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
James Dean quotes (American motion picture actor, symbol of rebellion, 1931-1955)
‘Nuff said.
Know when to Move On
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr quotes (American theologian, 1892-1971)
“In the end, we are consultants. It is our job to recommend solutions. It is our responsibility to deliver what is asked of us. The two are not always the same.”
Jon Umstead – Philosopher in Training
Sometimes, resolution of a problem is “simply” acceptance for what it is. Some things you cannot change, you cannot influence, you can only learn to live with. When this is the case, it is time to move on and stop complaining about it.
Just Stop Whining
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.”
Mick Jagger (Singer/Song Writer with The Rolling Stones)
The most important thing to remember about whining is to not do it. The second most important thing is to not allow it. But it isn’t enough to just say “stop it.” The key is to discipline yourself to be a solutions oriented thinker as opposed to a complainer. Likewise, help others break out of the mode of complaining and in to a mode of solutions oriented thinking.
Hopefully, this has given you some ideas for doing both.
If there is one thing I cannot stand to hear, including from my own lips, it is whining.
“Why can’t I have that?” “What are those brainiacks thinking?” “If only they would get their stuff together.” On and on. It is all around us. At work. At home. On the TV. On the radio. Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine (and not a hunk of cheese in site). Heck! I am whining right now! Well, let’s stop all of this whining and get down to it. No more whining. The following is some advice to move from whining and complaining mode to solution mode.
Stop Whining, Start Doing
“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.”
Anthony J. D'Angelo quotes (Founder of The Collegiate EmPowerment Company and creator of The Inspiration Book Series)
The first thing one needs to do is just stop whining. But, certainly, not all complaints are unwarranted and do need to be brought to someone’s attention. But, if all you do is complain while offering no solutions, all you are really doing is whining.
Instead, bring a solution to the table. Figure it out for yourself and do it. Alternatively, if it is out of your control or jurisdiction, bring the complaint to the appropriate person and offer up a solution. At home, you have more leeway, but at work, never bring a complaint to your boss without offering your thoughts on a solution. It doesn’t even have to be a good suggestion, but if your boss is worth his or her salt, he or she will respect you for at least thinking about it. Your status moves from “complainer” to “solutions oriented,” and your stock goes up.
If you are on the receiving end, listening to a complaint, don’t allow the complainant to get away without suggesting a remedy.
Before you dazzle the compainant with your own brilliance, simply ask them, “How would YOU resolve this?” or “What would YOU have me do?”
Be sincere, but don’t promise to do whatever they suggest, and don’t immediately shoot down their ideas. The exercise is not necessarily about determining an immediate solution. It is about helping people move from a complaining mind set to a solutions oriented mind set.
Don’t Wait for The Perfect Time
“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”
Proverb
It is very easy to fall in to the trap of wishing something had been done in the past that would have made the present situation more tolerable or even would have avoided a situation altogether. But, until the time machine is invented, it is an exercise in futility. The past is the past. Learn from it. Don’t point fingers. Don’t judge. Be grateful you have made it this far in spite of the past.
And then plant the seeds for the future. You may not ultimately benefit from the seeds you sew today. But someone will.
Don’t put them in a position of saying, “If only someone would have….”
Understand Before You Criticize
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
Dale Carnegie quotes (American lecturer, author, 1888-1955)
Sociopaths do things without regard for others. Thankfully, most human beings are not sociopaths. That means that most people are not out there purposely doing things to mess up your day. Most people are not out there doing things without care or regard for others (please do not comment on my driving skills at this time). Most people really want to or are trying to do the right thing.
But most of us have constraints, sometimes real, sometimes imagined. We do what we can within the confines that we believe have been defined for us. If the barriers were not there, we might do things differently. Sometimes, we are unaware of things that might alter our decision making if we just were better informed. Sometimes, we simply mess up. We don’t WANT to do the wrong and ignorant things.
It is important to remember this before complaining about something or someone. After all, it is possible that it is YOU who is mistaken.
Understand the Needs of Others
“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”
Gloria Naylor (African-American novelist and educator, 1950)
When you see a friend or loved one making decisions and taking actions that you either think are a bad idea, or you don’t approve, sometimes, they need and even want your advice. But sometimes they don’t. It is very important to know the difference. If you are not sure, simply ask them if they would like your opinion.
If they say “No, I really don’t,” take that as your first clue to NOT offer it up regardless.
Just tell them, “If you change your mind, I am here. If you don’t, I am still here.”
You will then be in a no lose situation. The other person takes comfort knowing that you care about them no matter what. If it turns out you were wrong and the other person was right, you are happy for them. If it turns out you were right and the other person was wrong, you are there to help them pick up the pieces.
Be Aware of Yourself
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”
Unknown
“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
W. Clement Stone (American best selling Author and Founder of Combined Insurance Co (now a part of Aon Corp.), 1902-2002)
You cannot change the behavior of others, you can only change your own. But you can influence the behavior of others. Whether that influence is positive or negative is up to you. It is very easy to influence someone. It can be very difficult to influence them positively.
Change your Perspective
“You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses”
Ziggy (Single panel comic strip created by Tom Wilson)
“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”
Albert Einstein (German born American Physicist. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)
In religion and philosopy, we often make reference to the necessity to see things through the eyes of a child. That does not mean to act like a child or in childish ways. In means we should not take things for granted and appreciate them for how amazing they are.
It is so easy to get caught up in the negative things. If it rains, we think about the bad hair day we are about to have, or about the mud that is going to splash our just washed cars. A child thinks about making mud pies or back yard slip and slides. It is all a matter of perspective.
Don’t Expect Things To Happen – Make Them Happen!
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
William Arthur Ward (American dedicated scholar, author, editor, pastor and teacher)
In the movie Tommy Boy, Tommy, portrayed by the late Chris Farley, gets caught on the lake in his sail boat when the wind dies down to nothing. He just sits there, embarassed, waiting for something to happen. His father used to make fun of him. The kids on the shore make fun of him. He ends up late for dinner with his girlfriend because he is just stuck there.
Tommy is a nice, well meaning guy, but he isn not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. After getting stuck out there for the umpteenth time, you would think he would learn to perhaps at least bring a paddle. But instead, each time, he just expects things to happen. He expects the wind will eventually kick up and he will be on his way. And he is right. It will eventually come. But in the meantime, he is subject to ridicule, misses opportunities, and runs the risk of disappointing or even hurting others.
You cannot expect something to happen and sit back watching, waiting for it. You have to make it happen. If you aren’t out there trying to make it happen, you have no right to complain that it isn’t happening. If you are stuck on the lake with no wind and no paddle, you got exactly what you asked for.
Work With What You Have, Not What You Wish You Had
"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
Tom Robbins (American Novelist. b.1936)
The 1980’s television series MacGyver has lived on for more nearly three decades not because it included particularly good writing nor particularly good acting, but because of the premise. Here was a guy who, no matter what his situation, made do with what he had in order to find his way out of danger. With little more than his Swiss Army Knife, duct tape and whatever else he found lying around, week after week he worked his way out of danger.
The now famous Chilean Miners trapped a half a mile underground for 69 days before they could be rescued are a perfect example of working with what you have. It was several days before anyone could even contact them, let alone send them basics for survival, but they still found a way to make do. Things were no doubt better once supplies started reaching them, but still. They were trapped far beneath the Earth’s surface, with no immediate way out and no guarantee they would EVER get out.
They didn’t have most of the things we take for granted every day. But they had the supplies that were able to reach them, and they had each other. They didn’t waste time worrying about the things they wished they had. They made the best of what they had and what they could get. They became a community in and of themselves. They assigned roles and responsibilities and each one dutifully fulfilled his role.
Not only did they come out alive, they came out exceedingly healthy given the circumstances. Both physically and mentally
If they can do what they did with what they had, I am willing to bet we can get by a day or two with that darned copier being down. I bet our hind ends won’t fall off if we don’t replace that old couch with our next pay check. And maybe, if we MacGyver it a little, we might find a nice comforter and some throw pillows that will make that old, ugly couch look and feel like a comfortable, old friend.
Open Yourself Up
"Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
Tina Turner (American Singer. b.1939, Nutbush, Tennessee, USA)
I like this quote better than the old saying “Can’t see the forest for the trees,” but in a way, it is saying the same thing. We sometimes let ourselves and our thoughts become so cluttered with negativity that we can completely miss what’s valuable and good.
One of the most famous supporting stories in business of this is the tale of the invention of the post-it note. In 1968, a chemist named Spencer Silver was trying to develop a new adhesive when he “failed” with one particular sample. Convinced it had applicability, even as a failed adhesive, he tried for years to convince others, all to no avail. Other scientists simply saw it as an adhesive that didn’t stick well.
Finally, Silver met Art Fry, who worked in new product development at 3M. Fry was intrigued by Silver’s “failure” and, after failed products of his own utilizing the failed adhesive, he discovered what we now call the Post-It. If either Silver or Fry would have permitted all of those negative reviews and failures get in the way, we may not have today what is one of the most basic of office supplies.
Take the Lead, Take Risks
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips, Comedian
“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
Andre Gide (French writer, humanist and moralist, 1947 nobel prize for literature, 1869-1951)
“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
James Dean quotes (American motion picture actor, symbol of rebellion, 1931-1955)
‘Nuff said.
Know when to Move On
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr quotes (American theologian, 1892-1971)
“In the end, we are consultants. It is our job to recommend solutions. It is our responsibility to deliver what is asked of us. The two are not always the same.”
Jon Umstead – Philosopher in Training
Sometimes, resolution of a problem is “simply” acceptance for what it is. Some things you cannot change, you cannot influence, you can only learn to live with. When this is the case, it is time to move on and stop complaining about it.
Just Stop Whining
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.”
Mick Jagger (Singer/Song Writer with The Rolling Stones)
The most important thing to remember about whining is to not do it. The second most important thing is to not allow it. But it isn’t enough to just say “stop it.” The key is to discipline yourself to be a solutions oriented thinker as opposed to a complainer. Likewise, help others break out of the mode of complaining and in to a mode of solutions oriented thinking.
Hopefully, this has given you some ideas for doing both.
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